Paranoid
by CheekyBrunette
Summary: Robin was anal, paranoid, neurotic, and... sometimes he hated it.  It's hard to be a boy wonder.  Funny how instincts can sense distress almost as impressively as a telepath.  Yet another Beast Boy and Robin hurt/comfort. No slash!


**Okay, okay, I know. Yet again not Big Time Rush. But… I was in the ZONE. And I was standing in front of the mirror at Vikram and Priah's house, and I was like "… blue eyes with dark hair… I've gotta get my Robin on". And I've done a BB angst, and I've done a sort of shared angst between the two, and now it's time for Robin to get all sad ALONE with BB as a comforter.**

**SO LETS DO THIS THING! Who cares if I have to wake up at 6am? This. Is. Worth it. **

Another long day of kicking butt and intense training was over, and Robin could feel it _everywhere. _ A dull ache consumed his entire body. Some muscles were worse than others, screaming in comparison to the low roaring the others had taken up. He couldn't do more than shuffle to his closet, new bruises littering his skin. As much as he'd _hate _to admit it, Red X has really done a number on him that night.

Yes, just him. Robin was ashamed of Red X enough, having been the one to… well, _create_ him. He didn't need any of his teammates getting hurt by the psycho to make him feel worse. It's not that he didn't think they could handle it, like they'd probably assume if they ever found out, it was that he didn't _want_ them to handle it. Red X was his mistake, his problem. The others shouldn't have to deal with him. Especially because he was good. _Really good. _Not only did the villain manage to land a decent couple of blows, but he also ripped up Robin's uniform quite a bit before making his escape.

The boy wonder pulled out another uniform, arms shouting in protest. He was running pretty low at this point, what with them frequently getting torn up in battle, and Raven, Starfire, and Cyborg stretching them out when he was away. At least Beast Boy was scrawny enough to let him keep _one_. The one Cyborg had tried on was _completely_ trashed, and… well, if Raven and Starfire's hips didn't wreck their outfits enough, their –eh-hem- _chests_ certainly did.

He pulled his shirt over his head, wincing at how black and blue he was, and shrugged on another one. His hair was still damp from his recent shower, soaking the back of it. In retrospect, it probably was a bad idea to put on his grimy uniform after getting clean, but what if the tower was invaded as he walked down the hall in merely a towel? Better safe than sorry. Robin quickly tugged on a pair of gloves, feeling somwhat naked without them and switched pants. Little scrapes marred his arms and legs where some stray X's managed to nick him.

Freaking Red X.

Robin didn't bother with his boots, belt, or cape. He was paranoid enough to sleep in his uniform, but not crazy enough to wear such clunky, uncomfortable stuff to bed. Especially when a batarang could stab him in the side if he rolled the wrong way. Then Robin took a look in the mirror.

A long tear came down through the black of his mask, a thin strip hanging down past his eye. Eye… Robin let out a little gasp as he realized he didn't really know what his eyes looked like. They were blue, he knew that, but… it had been a while. It had been years since he had been able to take his mask off for more than a nanosecond without care, and he had _never_ done it in the tower. In fact, in a way, he had gotten worse about it, having a new mask prepped right next to his face before taking the old one off to ensure a quick change. What if his enemies had cameras in his room?

Robin took a shaky breath, decision made. He grabbed a new mask and dropped his torn one to the ground, taking a look in the mirror for a millisecond, a _millisecond_, before putting the new one on. In fact, he did it so quickly, he hadn't even processed what he had seen before it was already covered up.

_Yup, blue. Piercing blue. Like… Cyborg blue, _he compared, an odd satisfaction overtaking him with the knowledge, followed by something a little less pleasant.

He couldn't place it at first… just this nauseating emotion, making him sick. It felt like his insides were boiling, and Robin couldn't say he liked it. It was just… why… why couldn't _he_ know his eye color? Literally every other Titan did, not a single one as unreasonable as he.

Because, seriously? How terrible would it be if he just looked at himself, really looked at himself, once or twice a week? A month? And suddenly Robin was hating himself. Hating who he was, who he had become. And that feeling that made his stomach twist in knots as he realized he was experiencing regret. _Regret. Ha._ Robin didn't feel regret. He was the leader, always right and always perfect.

But he had plenty of regrets, and there were more than he had realized. Like, why couldn't he ever just wear _pajamas?_ And why could he just spend more than five minutes in the shower? And why did he have to train at least twice as hard as his teammates? His behavior was neurotic, and he knew it, but… But how could he not? How could he not be prepared for action at any time? How could he not do something he couldn't drop at a second's notice? How could he not double check that he was as strong and talented as he needed to be?

And now he was feeling nothing but soul-crushing _regret_ because he didn't have to be this way. There were so many other options, from saving his parents that fateful day to not letting himself be so wrapped up in Batman as his sidekick. And suddenly, there were tears rushing down his cheeks, and he couldn't stop sniffing, and Robin was crying. _Crying. _Robin didn't cry.

But here he was, just looking in the mirror, bawling his eyes out because he couldn't see his own reflection. Not really. He couldn't see _him, _just some kid in a mask. Some weird, psycho, crazy kid in a mask he _still_ couldn't bring himself to take off, even when he was upset about it.

A knock at the door sent Robin twelve feet into the air. He quickly rubbed his tears off on his gloves, and was grateful that his mask was at least helping him in _some_ way, if only to hide his red, puffy eyes. He slid his door open to reveal a sheepish looking Beast Boy. He arched an eyebrow, and the younger Titan kicked at the ground.

"Um, well, I… I sort of felt like something was, I don't know, _off_ 'cause animals can tell that sort of thing some of the time, and then Raven was outside you door, and she was all 'empathy link' and stuff, and then she said some things that I didn't understand that basically meant that_ she _couldn't check to see if you were okay and that _I _had to, so, well, are you okay?" he prattled off, obviously concerned and giving off a nervous energy that hit Robin in waves. He frowned.

"Fine," the taller teen answered curtly, and tried to slip the door closed, but Beast Boy put his hand in the frame, the motion censor seeing it and keeping it open. Robin huffed. "What else do you want?" he asked, wanting to get back to his pity part in peace. Beast Boy shifted from foot to foot, looking increasingly uncomfortable as he stood outside of his bedroom.

"Um, it's just…" He bit his lip and took a breath to compose himself. "You're lying, Robin. You're not okay, I can feel it," he told him, gaining a bit of confidence. Robin was sort of intimidating, an unstoppable force, and Beast Boy wasn't exactly sure what Raven expected him to do. He was a snuggler and Robin… wasn't. He stepped into his room, eyeing his torn uniform discarded on the floor. "Ah… dude?" he asked without saying, pointed to the sweaty pile. Robin sighed, running a hand through his hair.

"That… That's nothing," Robin said, wavering. On the one hand, he didn't want to tell Beast Boy what he was doing. On the other hand, if the truth ever _did_ come out, it wouldn't take long for the green teen to remember him lying right to his face. "Why don't you just go back to you're room, Beast Boy," he almost begged, hating how weary he sounded. "I'm tired."

"Why?" the younger boy asked, suddenly worried. Robin was _never_ tired. Or, at least, he never showed it. The guy was crazy when it came to sleep, probably getting six hours maximum when he slept in. He was about as anal about it as coffee, and that was pretty ridiculous. Robin crossed his arms at him, glaring.

"Who said you need to know?" he asked snappily. _Raven_, Beast Boy answered inwardly. He really needed to stop listening to her. His eyes fell to the scratches etched across Robin's arms.

"What happened to you?" he interrogated, ignoring Robin's questions until he got answers to his own. He stepped up on Robin's mattress, circling and sitting down, indicating he wasn't going anywhere for a while. Robin practically bristled in response, and Beast Boy could see him getting defensive. Really_ see_ it, though. He took in everything from his impossibly straightened posture, to his clenched fists and gritted teeth. The changeling's instinct was to run, but his instinct was _always_ to run, so he stood his ground, bearing a growl of his own. If Robin wanted to intimidate him, let the record show it wasn't working.

"Nothing," the taller boy spat. He was admittedly getting a bit angry. He didn't want to share secrets, he didn't want to be comforted, and he sure as heck didn't want to level with Beast Boy. This was his problem. Maybe the rest of the world liked talking out their problems over tea, but Robin didn't, Batman didn't, and he hadn't been raised to. Well… maybe once upon a time, he might have let this happen… but he was a different person back then, with a different name and a different face.

Besides.

He was fine.

Probably.

Beast Boy glowered at him for a second before getting up and snatching one of his removed gloves from the floor. He brought it to his face, inhaling deeply. "Red X…" he said quietly, and a look of horror washed over him, his eyes looking haunted. "You've… you've been fighting him without telling us?" Robin grunted and ripped his glove out of Beast Boy's hand.

"That's on a need to know basis," Robin told him, gathering up the rest of his clothes and throwing them in a hamper. He started putting on the missing pieces of his uniform to busy himself.

'Whaddya _mean_ 'need to know' basis? Robin, I _need_ to know! You could have died!" Beast Boy squeaked, looking pale by green standards, his skin comparable to the shade of a little kid's Crayola watercolors after hitting the page. Robin turned away, his belt clicking into place.

"I can handle it," he said, and Beast Boy threw he hands into the air. He reached over and grabbed Robin's ruined uniform out of the laundry.

"This? This is handling it? Robin, this is _not _handling it!" he exclaimed, the desperation he felt creeping into his voice. Cyborg was right, the guy took himself _way_ too seriously. Why did he always think he had to do things on his own? "We could have helped you!" he yelped, "Dude, why do you always think we can't take it?" Robin whipped around.

"See? I _knew_ you'd think that! I just don't want you guys getting hurt because of me! I mean, because of Red X you were nearly run over by a _train_. Is that what you want?" And suddenly Robin seemed very, _very_ scary. He was screaming at Beast Boy, who wouldn't be surprised if the entire tower heard them at this point. He backed away a couple steps, his eyes wide and fearful. "You could have _died!"_

"But you saved me," Beast Boy countered quietly, uncertainty hitting him like a ton of bricks. He wished he had left well enough alone and went to bed because Robin took down Slade. Three times. And he wasn't very fun to have yell at you. The green boy shuddered as Robin continued to shout at him.

"Yeah, BB, I did. Why can't you understand? _That's what I'm trying to do now!_ Let me help you!" he roared at him, and Beast Boy nearly facepalmed. Seriously? The guy was such a hypocrite.

"I'll let you help me the second you let me help you!" the shape shifter yelped, sounding a bit immature, relatively young, and a little too reasonable for Robin's liking. He rubbed at his temples with no response, feeling a lot older than he should. All Robin wanted was to get some sleep, why couldn't Beast Boy have just left him alone? Beast Boy's ears twitched, and he tilted to catch the older boy's eye. "Why are you sad?" he asked, picking up on Robin's emotions before he could.

"It's nothing, Beast Boy," the boy wonder told him, and the smaller teen huffed.

"Just like your fight with Red X was nothing?" Robin growled.

"Yes," he hissed, completely livid. This was ridiculous; he was _Robin._ He was the _master_ of interrogation on _both_ sides of the table. Beast Boy wasn't supposed to be getting this far with him, but, then again, Beast Boy was also supposed to listen to his orders, be in bed, and not backtalk him. Still, that didn't account for him getting through. Maybe… maybe Robin _wanted_ to tell Beast Boy. Maybe… maybe he was _tired_ of keeping everything to himself and bottling everything up. He sighed, dragging a hand through his freshly gelled hair, trying not to mess it all up in the process. Beast Boy, meanwhile, was looking more and more distraught as the moment dragged on.

"Robin, you can't keep doing this to yourself. It's _scary_ to think that you'd battle without us. What if you got hurt? You can't keep putting yourself at risk to keep us safe! When are you just going to trust-"

"_Don't_ say that," Robin warned, barely restraining himself. "_Don't _say I don't trust you. I trust you," he said, voice quaking. Beast Boy wanted to throw himself against the wall in frustration.

"Then why don't you _tell me what's wrong?_" he yelped, more than a bit angry but also very sad. At this, Robin fell silent, biting his lip. He didn't have a response for that one. What was he supposed to say? That he wanted to look perfect to the rest of the team? That he _had_ to look perfect? That would make him sound even more messed up than he already did. However, Robin also didn't want to launch into a conversation about how hard life with Batman was and how bad he missed his parents. He was _Robin_, for Pete's sake. _Robin._ Why did it feel like he was forgetting that? "Come on, Robin," Beast Boy begged, and the boy wonder cleared his throat.

"My name's actually Richard…" he said quietly because… well, maybe he didn't always have to be Robin. Maybe just for this second… 'Cause there weren't any killer robots in the walls, and there weren't any aliens poised behind him, ready to strike. It was just him, Beast Boy, and a lot of feelings Robin didn't like. "And… I don't know. I guess I kind of hate Batman," he said, scratching the back of his head. "He doesn't… he doesn't exactly teach good habits…" Beast Boy looked at him crookedly.

"Is that why you're sad?" he asked softly, scared to tread where no man had gone before. Robin just nodded, and the youngest Titan had no idea what to do with himself. He was almost mad at Raven for putting him responsible for this whole situation. This was a lot, and Robin seemed very, _very_ upset, but he was also very, _very _secretive. He wasn't the one who could read minds!

And Beast Boy _knew_ he couldn't leave it at that. He _knew_ it. Yeah, okay, he wasn't the telepath of the Titans, but he could still sense that Robin was holding back too much for his own good. He was like a dog that way, always knowing when something's wrong and going to lick your face. Beast Boy also wasn't a therapist, but he knew that it probably wasn't good to keep that much bottled up inside. Also, the lack of _talking in general _and _obsessive everything _probably wouldn't do anyone any good. He frowned.

"Why don't you ever _say _anything?" he whined, more than a bit exasperated, but knowing no matter what he did he wouldn't get a straight answer to what Robin was talking about. The boy wonder blew out a puff of air, once again caught between a rock and a hard place.

"Because I'm… Because I'm Robin," he said, tired of lying. Beast Boy arched an eyebrow.

"I thought you were Richard," he countered, flooring Robin for a second.

"… Y~yeah. Yeah. I guess I am Richard…" he mused, something deep inside him bubbling, like the person he had worked so hard to bury was clawing his way out. And suddenly, Robin didn't feel much like Robin anymore. He felt vulnerable, and raw, and exposed, as if Beast Boy could see straight into his soul, and he _hated_ it. He pulled his arms around his stomach to shield him off, feeling naked in the other boy's presence. "I… I-I…"

"'I, I, I,' what?" the changeling questioned, and Robin just floundered in response until he could compose himself.

"I wish I wasn't," he said eventually, a soft look overtaking his features, and he really didn't. He was so _sick_ of having to hide everything about himself in favor of _Robin_. The freaking flawless boy wonder, the hero of all sidekicks. He was tired of striving to be perfect, perfect, perfect all the time. And it wouldn't make sense to most, who would probably just wish they could stop caring what others thought, but Robin wished he could just _be_ perfect. Like… naturally. "Why couldn't I have been born Robin?" he asked aloud, more to himself than Beast Boy who just sat there attentively. Robin kicked at his hamper.

"It's not fair, BB! I've got to be so_ freaking _perfect all the time! I've got to cover my tracks, wear this mask all the time…" A shudder ran through his spine, cutting him off mid rant. Beast Boy took a couple steps towards him.

"You don't really _have_ to," he told Robin, not sure exactly what the older teen was looking for in a response. The boy wonder's shoulders quaked.

"But what if we get interrupted? What if there was trouble? What if there were people spying on us? There could be villains watching right now! Stop saying my name, don't say my name. Never again," Robin told him hysterically, regretting absolutely everything he had said since he stepped into his new uniform. He shouldn't have told Beast Boy his real name, for Pete's sake _he _didn't even use it! Now it was out there; someone knew, and… and…

And he was just standing there, staring straight back at him. Robin tilted his head, bettering his view on the shorter Titan, his green eyes staring back at him concernedly. He came near him, circling and watching like a pigeon would a crumb before gobbling it up. "You're… you're not doing anything," Robin exclaimed, a little more than surprised. Beast Boy furrowed his brow.

"No…"

"But you know my name!"

"Yes."

"So…" Robin trailed off, staring at the green kid before him, looking just like he did back when he first met him, and he was still calling him sir and accustomed to waking up at 5am for training.

Beast Boy gasped when suddenly Robin's arms were crushing him around the middle. The leader had pulled him into the tightest hug the earth had ever seen. But before he could process it, he was being pushed into the hallway and the door was slamming closed. "Thanks Beast Boy," Robin called before it finished sliding shut. The changeling scratched his head as Raven, who was still waiting outside, gave him a satisfied nod. But Robin seemed to be okay…

"Dude, no. Thank _you _for crushing my spine!" he called in before headed off to his room for a well-deserved nap.

**That took a REALLY long time, and I'm REALLY tired. That's it**


End file.
